Stranger Danger
Something has been building up lately and slowly making my blood boil so here it is. Why do strangers think it’s OK to ask about my disability?
Allow me to set the scene. I’m at work, trying to rise above the physical challenges of my disability. Fighting to still be the girl boss that I am, manage a team of 6, a 268 unit apartment community, all common area facilities, deal with vendors, financials, and asset managers daily only to be reminded that there is “something wrong with me” by a stranger who feels I owe him an explanation as to what happened and why I walk with a limp. I am sick and tired of being nice and smiling while I relive my trauma just to feed your curiosity. Some days (today included) it takes all of my emotional energy to not say “I’m fine but what’s wrong with your manners?!”
People come to me asking how to deal with these jerks. I am a resource to other amputees and people living with a disability, but don’t mistake the fact that I will gladly give you advice with my lack of feelings. I feel it too. It stings and it truly makes it that much harder to move on with my life. If you’ve been reading my blog for some time, you may have read my *leg story post. I was so fresh to this all then, and yet I already knew how taxing this feeling can be. Sometimes I want to make up a lie about a tiger or shark attack, but PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO LOSE LIMBS THAT WAY, and I no longer feel comfortable making light of their situation with a joke.
I wrote some of this post on a lunch break, after which someone came in to fix our coffee maker at the office and felt they had the right to ask "how'd that happen?" " are you OK?" as they glanced down at my prosthesis. Here I was, in this moment once again, blood boiling a bit hotter than usual this time chanting " I will be nice and answer the question, I will not be nice and answer the question, but at the time " I will not get fired for telling this ignorant man off today". So I simply looked him square in the eyes and said " I'm fine, thanks." before shifting the conversation back to the coffee maker.
Ignorance is bliss. People who say inappropriate things, often have no idea they are being inappropriate. But the way I looked at this man while I said I was fine... Let's just say he got the message and is unlikely to make that mistake again. I wanted to be mean, but instead, I simply made myself clear. I am OK. I am getting through this. Yes, something awful happened to me, but I am doing my best to move on with my life and not focus on my limitations, including the limp you noticed as I walked up to greet you at the office entrance.
My presence is not an invitation for your questions about my disability, despite your harmless intent. I am learning to be more mindful and considerate about how my words make others feel and I hope we can all work on this together a bit more. Maybe then, those of us who are different, won't feel so different.
