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I’m an open book. I hope you can connect with even just one of the many pages.

 
Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Year five- I love you, I hate you.

This coming week marks five years since the amputation surgery that left me cancer-free. In the cancer world, five years is a major milestone. It's when your chance of recurrence drastically drops, and your doctor tells you that statistically, you should be free from this type of cancer forever. But for me, a statistical anomaly, having been diagnosed with an incredibly rare sub-type of osteosarcoma that wasn't supposed to happen, let alone come back, but indeed did, that wasn't the case. Because as I was toasting, cancer was once again growing in my body and cruelly mimicking new bone in my scans. So rude…

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Health Anxiety

As a full-fledged adult, or at least legally so, I get bloodwork done every six months and follow up with my regular doctor. Not my cancer doctor, just the guy who asks me if I'm taking my vitamins and refills my meds while we talk about the weather. I've never been nervous in his office. I doom scroll on my phone and yawn in his waiting room…

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Friendsgiving

Every year, without fail, as the temperature starts to drop and the leaves begin to fall, a potluck dish list is passed around between a group of women, even though we religiously make the same things each year so there is really no need for a list..

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

The old me and the new me

It's been more than ten years since the first time I found out I had cancer. I just said that out loud as I typed it, and wow. What a hellish ride it's been, and yet, here I am, healthy, happy, and quite frankly, a bit of a badass. I'm not sure who I would have turned out to be if all of this had never happened to me, but I do know that I'd be different…

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

How it feels to be a disabled woman of child bearing age right now.

In the last several months, I have seen a really beautiful shift in our country in the form of women believing in themselves and each other. This, despite a culture that has pinned us against one another, forever competing to be the "best mom" or the "most attractive," fighting over whatever the highest-level job society says is OK for women to have…

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Amsterdam, Paris, and London, This is my love letter to you.

I planned, researched, and saved my valuable credit card points. I wasn't sure what it would be like this time around with one less leg, but there isn't much that can keep me from getting on a plane when there is an upgraded seat involved…

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Hiccups and knockouts

Chaos comes in waves. It seemingly ebbs and flows, only occasionally allowing you the time to recuperate between blows. And the scariest part is that there isn't anything you can do to stop it from happening. That's right, let that sink in for a minute…

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Feeling Grateful

Five days ago, Florida was hit by Hurricane Milton. It was the second hurricane to directly hit the state in a 10-day period, which must be part of the reason why the state bird here is known as - Florida man...

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

check socket, reality check

Change is a good thing, right? For the amputee, it's a little more complicated than that.

Every so often, I experience enough volume change in my leg from minor weight loss or gain that I no longer fit in my prosthetic socket properly...

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Inspiration Situation


Just when I think I've had an uneventful week as an amputee and cancer survivor, and therefore experiencing a bit of writer's block as I try to put together a post for this weekly blog, a stranger walks up to me and changes that. To the dude who came up to me while I was dancing at an EDM show Friday night and told me I am an inspiration to him, I thank you, sir, for inspiring this blog post...

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

You can do it, baby.

It’s been a few weeks since my last face first meeting with the pavement, and my bruised baby leg and ego are healing quite nicely. Now for the hard part, getting my butt off the comfy couch where I’ve been nursing my injuries and watching way too much true crime...

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Alexandra Boutte Alexandra Boutte

Fear Of Falling

We're all scared of something, actually, lots of things. But a new amputee is most scared of falling. I thought after 4+ years, I was past that fear. In that time, I've learned how to push a weighted sled, wear mini-high heels, and dance with a cocktail-filled disco ball in my hand. Why am I just now experiencing the bad kind of heart flutters while walking on an uneven path?...

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