What it’s like being part of a community where not everyone makes it

I'm a member of a somewhat exclusive, not exactly optional, pretty scary club. The cancer club. Have it, had it, beat it, still fighting, you're in, just like that. Fair warning, you will bond with strangers from all across the world and not everyone will make it. How do we cope?

If you had a pen pal as a kid that you didn't hear from for a while, maybe you thought they got a summer job or something and were too busy to write back. In the cancer club, we panic. We stalk you on social media searching for clues that you've been active recently just to know that you are still alive and well. Osteosarcoma is a childhood cancer. Losing a friend too soon is so painful, now imagine you're just a kid. It's a heaviness that children are not yet emotionally equipped to handle. As an adult, it can take you back there, to childhood, sitting on the swing set all by yourself, feeling alone and defeated, before the new girl comes around and asks to swing with you, only to be ripped away as soon as you open up to her about the bullies and your parent's divorce.

I've made friends with sarcoma survivors who experienced recurrence and were faced with the unimaginable decision to amputate their leg, just as I did over a year ago. I try to offer all of the help I wish I had found before my surgery. What will it feel like? How do you deal with the effects on your mental health? What about phantom pain? It's unfair that any of us have ever had to experience this, but here we are, so we support each other in any way we can. Even on days when I am struggling a bit if someone needs help, I always end up helping myself by being there for them. After all, I have been there too and the lingering effects of having had cancer still need to be dealt with.

Ever cried over someone you've never met? I have. More than once.
It's painful when someone doesn't make it, but I didn't choose to be a part of this club and so I can't get through it without the friends I've made. It's not all tears and sadness either... we laugh together, we cheer each other on as we accomplish our goals, and we help each other find the bright side of each passing day. We get to make cancer jokes that others aren't allowed to make and offer each other free therapy.

I have had to accept that not everyone will survive, but we are stronger banded together than we are alone and so we will keep pouring hope into this community and when there is grief and loss to be felt, we will use it as fuel to fight for a better future without cancer. One where we can honor those angels who look down upon us.