You’re not sick anymore. Now What?

It's hard not to feel defined by a diagnosis. Cancer felt so all-consuming. So did being a new amputee. One day I woke up and realized I wasn't "new" to limb loss anymore. For the most part, I have a grip on my disability and the many accommodations that help me live my life. Thanks to the amputation that removed my tumor, I am cancer-free, and my blood work is within normal ranges. I only need scans once a year at this point. Scanxiety is still alive and well, but now only shows up on scan week instead of every week. My phantom limb pain is gone, and any neuropathic pain is infrequent. So now what?

Feeling healthy and somewhat strong is strange. It feels so foreign. There isn't much holding me back from traveling the world or going skydiving. This is what I have dreamed about for years, allowing myself to feel joy without fear sitting co-captain. I'm still figuring it all out. Exactly what I want. How best to spend the many more years I plan to be on earth, and how I can help more fighters and survivors thrive alongside me. After all, we are each other's biggest cheerleaders.

When you're sick, there's a pill for this and a cream for that. You watch the symptoms and wait for the dreaded scan. Now, I laugh a little when something happens because It all seems so trivial. It isn't the best social skill, and some people find it very much NOT funny, so I'm working on walking away before I show my amusement.

I can't rewind my life like a Blockbuster VHS to make up for things I've missed. I did my best with what I had on good days and powered through the bad ones. There is no forgetting trauma. But you learn to move on without forgetting. I've been given a second chance that not everyone is fortunate enough to get. I won't waste it. I know how fast life can pass you by and how silly it is to think of spending so much of it sitting in a dark corner when you can laugh and sing and dance your way through what's left. So here I go. Wish me luck.

If you know someone who is sick and feels lost,

If you know someone who isn't sick anymore and feels lost,
I would love to be there for them.

Even the most painful and confusing times sting less when you aren't alone.