To cut or not to cut

Patients with difficult to treat, recurring bone cancers often come to a crossroads at some point. To cut or not to cut. I  used to consider myself one of the lucky ones and often said "twenty years ago limb salvage surgery didn't exist and I would have had to have my leg amputated when I was diagnosed." Little did I know that I was about to meet that fate.
People ask me how I was able to make the decision to amputate my leg. “Well, it wasn’t like choosing between a burrito or a taco.” Although our stories are all a bit different, many amputees come to this decision in an effort to save or better our lives.

Last year, I sat on an exam table swinging my legs, waiting to hear what kind of revision surgery could be done to remove the tumor that had grown back around my knee... never expecting that in my case, there would be no safe way to remove the entire tumor without taking the majority of my right leg with it. The doctor’s recommendation hit me like a ton of bricks and nearly knocked the breath out of my lungs. Although I knew in my gut what would give me the best chance of finally being cancer-free, I got a second opinion from my original limb salvage surgeon. Without hesitation, he agreed this would be the best course of action but in the end, it was my decision.

I soaked up everything I had learned from my doctors, I did my own research and I didn’t allow myself to second guess my decision, once it was made, which was quick.  I share this with you knowing that everyone’s journey is not the same as my own. In some cases, revision limb salvage surgery can help you be cancer free, once again. It's important to ask all of your doctors what your outlook will be like with each surgical option. How high are your chances that this could come back more aggressive and spread? Are radiation and chemo an option? Educate yourself on your options and what your life may be like after this decision. Will you be healthy? Will you decide to thrive? Speak to others in your situation and build a support system of people you can open up to and share your fears and your thoughts.

Looking back, I know this was the biggest decision I have made in my life and it was important I make it on my own terms. This is my story. But it does not mean all bone cancer patients share my story. Each case is different and we are not lab rats, we are humans. We have complicated feelings about what we are going through and an intense attachment to one of our most important limbs. There is nothing casual about deciding to lose your leg. If you are someone who is faced with this decision, I hope that you too will choose what is best for you and be at peace with whatever it is you decide. And the next time you feel overwhelmed and at a crossroads, I hope that you will remember you have faced bigger challenges and are capable of so much more than you realize. You sat with the decision to cut or not to cut and you made it to the other side.