Still in factory
For the last several months, I have been waiting for my prosthesis to be shipped to me. Well, really, I have been waiting for over a year and what feels like a lifetime to have it approved by insurance, only for it to be delayed once approved. Myself and many other impatient amputees were given a status update of "still in factory". Due to a COVID outbreak, travel restrictions, and trade conflict, I am left wondering when I will see a leg of my own.
Sometimes, I can't help but feel like I too am "still in factory" building myself back up piece by piece, and just when I'm ready to be shipped out into the world, something else falls apart. You know how parents say they can't promise they will be on time because their toddler may have a meltdown or a diaper explosion on the way? Well, my residual limb is like a toddler. Occasionally it refuses to cooperate with my loaner prosthesis or my outfit and I have to take deep breaths to avoid a meltdown. No matter how much we work on our confidence and build ourselves up brick by brick, we can still crumble and that's ok. Mental health moments teach us what our triggers are and how to best manage them so we can move on with our day.
As I sit here, counting the days until I hopefully receive my prosthesis and can return my loaner leg to be passed along to another new amputee learning to walk, I will continue to work on myself. It is when we stop working on ourselves that we truly give up on happiness. I accept there will be days of great struggle but I refuse to live without moments of Joy. My mental health tool kit includes things like laughter when it's hard, medication for balance, and conversation. Sometimes I converse with myself, and sometimes with others. As long as I talk through my emotions, there is progress. As for my prosthesis tool kit, I have a hex key, extra socks for volume fluctuations, and my prosthetist's cell number when all else fails. There is always a way, a solution, help to get you through it. Get out of that factory when you are ready and live your life.
