Take a break
Hello Again. It's been a few weeks. After taking some much-needed time to process a heartbreaking sequence of events that have affected my family, I have found my way back to the keyboard. This sacred place where I share with you my thoughts, feelings, and experiences is one I never intended to abandon. However, the last several weeks have taught me something priceless, and as always, I share it with you in the hope that it could bring some light and perspective into your life as well.
I have spoken before about the importance of self-care and the role it plays in our mental health and ability to continue carrying the load of our responsibilities. Aside from the ever-popular face mask and bubble bath, I have had the time to expand upon what caring for myself requires through the ups and downs of life. After surgery, there was pain. Then there was guilt. Guilt for skipping a week and then several weeks of updating my blog, guilt for not feeling up for organizing and cleaning my entire house, and guilt for not advancing my passion project with all this free time on my hands. It felt wrong to just sit around and be sad while binge-watching Netflix in my pajamas day after day. But then it hit me... why was I feeling guilty when this was exactly what I needed. I needed to take several days to respond to messages that brought up painful memories and I needed time to read all those books on my shelf, getting lost in someone else's story. I needed to say "no" to things my heart wasn't quite ready for and "yes" to things that felt good in the moment.
People often ask me how I have such a positive outlook on life after facing cancer and the loss of my leg. The truth is, I am not a perfect ray of sunshine. I have moments of self-doubt and I suffer from anxiety. I am not here to tell you to always smile in the face of fear because I certainly don't. Perhaps the best way to put it is that I have always looked out for messages from the universe. What I found is that they are everywhere if you are willing to look. Often times, those messages lead us to happiness even though it may be a long and winding road. If not for listening to the signs telling me something was very wrong with my leg and the feeling that it wasn't an old sports injury coming back to haunt me, I may not be alive today. Taking a break can mean allowing someone else to help you. A doctor, a loved one, or a friend. No matter your own strength, some things are far too heavy to carry alone and not taking a break can ultimately break you.
My desk sits in front of a window facing the garden outback. As I typed the first words of this post the sky was gray and the dark clouds overhead made it so dark inside I almost had to turn the overhead light on in my room. But then, the clouds began to part. Now the sun is shining so brightly it's warming my skin and the birds have begun to chirp. For all of the darkness, the universe sends light pouring in. All you need to do is notice and know you are worthy of letting it warm you.
