February Series: Relationships (romantic)

In honor of Valentine's Day, this month's posts will be centered around relationships and what it's like to navigate the open waters of love with a disability.

Romantic Love, Perhaps the most complex form of love, even for those with all of their limbs. Here is my story:

10 years ago, I was an able-bodied, 26-year-old who loved living on my own and had absolutely no desire to find a serious boyfriend. In my last relationship, I had been made to feel I wasn't enough. I was done dating for a while and happy to spend all my time with my dog and my best girlfriends. Then Victor came along and changed everything. It was easy falling in love with him and soon enough my dog preferred his lap over mine. On our second anniversary, as fireworks sparkled over a St. Augustine dock, he asked me to be his wife. We were crazy happy and life was like a Hallmark card. Then came the cancer.

Not long after our wedding planning began, I was diagnosed with parosteal osteosarcoma in my right knee. Focus quickly shifted to my health and my first surgery was scheduled within weeks of my diagnosis. This is where our greatest challenges began but certainly not where they ended, as I would later have a recurrence which lead to the amputation of my right leg. I lost my independence overnight and had no choice but to count on him for almost everything. I couldn't wash my hair, feed myself, or get to the bathroom without him. I stayed up nights wondering if this would break us if this would break me. He hadn't signed up for this. When he proposed, I could do backflips, what now? I hoped and prayed that my life and relationship wouldn't change in the wake of my cancer. The thing is, it all changed.

To get through it all, I had to become someone much stronger and learn how to cope with my anxiety. Little by little, I became someone who could get through anything. As time has gone on, my husband's support has shifted too. In times when I needed him to be, he was my missing right leg. As I healed and learned to care for myself a bit more, he gave me the encouragement I needed to know that I could do anything I dared to chase after. He learned to step away and watch me fly. We have been tested, and tested, and tested again. If just one of us had allowed this to consume us, we would not be where we are. Everything that happened made us feel even more connected.

Dating in general is hard. Finding someone you're compatible with who lives up to your expectations alone is like a science experiment. Having a disability sometimes means Friday nights on the couch with a heating pad and a pain pill. It can mean you need help cooking dinner or driving to the store. Maybe not what every eligible bachelor dreams of...

If someone won't be there sitting next to you on those rough nights, they aren't worthy of your love. Sure, you likely come with a few accessories and plenty of doctor's visits, but the right person won't remind you of it.

I want to close by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being on your own. You shouldn't need a relationship to feel fulfilled and complete. You have been through so much and likely built up strength not many would understand. Learn to love yourself first, just the way you are right now in this moment. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.