Dear Former Self
I don't have many regrets. I could have studied a little harder in school and mended some friendships sooner, but looking through old photos over the last week has stirred up some emotions about the person I once was. Maybe it was how clearly I could spot my tumor on the side of my right knee, or maybe it was that I still had a right leg. I think we all wish we could tell our former selves a thing or two. Not enough to change our path, but just enough to help us get through the lowest points with a bit more hope.
We all lose little pieces of ourselves when tragedy hits, and if we're lucky, we find a way to grow back some of what we lost in the form of strength. The breakups, the lost jobs, the setbacks, don't define us — they tell a story of what we've been through and so, they teach us lessons. What would you tell yourself 5, 10, 20 years ago? I'll go first.
Dear former self,
I know you think you have been through it all, but there is still so much life in front of you, and so there is some sadness and fight to come. Hug your parents tight, tell them you love them way more often than necessary, and please know that cancer will not defeat your spirit. Rest easier knowing that you will get past it and will be able to share your story with other survivors and supporters. Look at each birthday as the gift that it is — another trip around the sun and more wisdom with which to be your own advocate and know your worth. Soak up the small, beautiful moments you once glossed over so carelessly. You only get so many. You will lose a leg, but you will gain a super fancy robot leg that helps you get around and is covered in gold glitter. Rock it. I know you feel alone now, trying to find anyone who has even heard of Parosteal Osteosarcoma. You won't feel alone for long. There are others out there and they will be a part of a large support system and community that keep you going and give you a reason to write down your thoughts each week. Count your blessings. You have many more than what can be seen on the surface. I know you feel sick to your stomach with worry now, but this too shall pass. KEEP GOING and KEEP FIGHTING. Someday, your words will mean something to someone halfway across the world who has almost given up and all that you've been through to get here will have been worth it, if only to help just one person.
