Pardon my mess
Ever visited the home of someone with a disability or chronic illness? What did you find? A spotless, organized space or a home in complete disarray. The answer likely relates to what kind of week they were having. This is, without a doubt, the case at my home.
I have always loved having a clean space, clutter on countertops and items left out gives me anxiety. I like to decorate and make my home feel like an oasis. There was a time when Saturday mornings meant loud music, a ponytail, and a mop. That's still who I am at my core, I prefer a neat space and I always will but I have had to adjust my priorities. Somedays you might find two complete outfits and several pairs of shoes scattered across my bedroom floor. It's not uncommon to find dishes in the sink and pill bottles on the coffee table. The truth is this... somedays I just can't. Sometimes it takes everything in me to get out of bed, get dressed, and make it to work. Just as in all aspects of my new life, I am trying to find my balance. The balance between work and personal projects, and balance between cleanliness and sanity.
Having things where they belong is helpful. Any amputee will tell you that jumping out of bed isn't the easiest when you have to put on 3+ layers of liner, socks, and socket just to walk to the bathroom. I keep a basket next to my bedside with all my essentials. The state of everything else in my home depends entirely on my pain and energy level and I am working on accepting that. Shifting my mindset has been the most powerful tool over the last 8 months. At work I have to be kind to others, no matter the circumstances. I am tested almost daily by the challenge to keep outside negativity from seeping in. There is nothing like cancer to make you reevaluate what matters and what really brings you happiness. Weekends are now for rest and fun, when I'm up for it. As long as I have clean clothes for the work week ahead, I feel accomplished.
I am not a perfect person and although I am always working to become a better version of myself, perfection is not the goal. I am learning to let go of the things I cannot control and instead focus on my mental health, recovering my body, and spending time with the people I love. So if you don't love me at my messy home worst, you don't get to love me at my HGTV home best ;)
