Will I ever be a pro at this disability thing?

Apr 21

If I sit back and think about everything I've learned since I lost my leg and became disabled, I bet it would be enough material to fill the pages of Moby Dick. Does that mean I know everything there is to know? Not even close.

I am aware of my personal growth. I see all the ways I have learned to make modifications. I go with plans B, C, and D when needed. I could do more to speak up when a lack of accessibility or discriminatory treatment is brought to my attention. But in general, I am no novice when it comes to disability. It's been over four years, and I've managed to travel, hike, swim, dance, and even push a weighted sled across a room. There are things to be proud of here. Yet, I still have times when none of my plans work, and seven deep breaths aren't enough to make me feel better about it. I don't have it all figured out, and I'm not sure I ever will.

Being disabled isn't all that I am, but it does make my every day a bit more complicated in ways that I am still doing my best to process. Yesterday, I watched a video one of my favorite disabled content creators posted about one of those days where your device just isn't cooperating. While crossing the street, her prosthetic leg flew off and came out of the bottom opening of her pants, landing, along with her, on the pavement in front of cars waiting for her to cross. I had to laugh hard because I was reminded in that moment that even someone who has been wearing a prosthesis for over a decade and snowboards for a living experiences days like this. No matter how perfectly you follow the steps when you roll on your liner and slide into your leg, no matter how many times you check your valve to make sure there is no trapped air and the leg is fully secured to you, things like this just happen sometimes. Fake legs fly off. But we have to carry on imperfectly and occasionally embarrassed in front of a crowd of shell-shocked TJMAXX patrons. Nonetheless, we persist. Learning more every day but accepting that we can't learn it all because there are endless ways to wind up legless in the street.

Shout out to @bren_hucks for always being real.