Why you shouldn't ask what happened to my leg
Many of my favorite online creators have recently voiced their frustration with strangers asking for their limb loss stories. You've heard me say it before, but I'm going to say it again because some people in the back haven't heard us yelling and still think it's OK to have us relive our trauma to satisfy their morbid curiosity.
Some people might say that it's quite difficult to ignore a giant prosthesis and in an effort to connect with you, the question just slips out. Here is why that's just not acceptable. In the words of Haven Shepherd, " It's not like my legs were licked off by puppies." There is no beautiful story that caused this limb loss. Rainbows and butterflies didn't come and bless me with this blog. It was instead a rather sizable cancerous tumor wrapped around my right leg. And although I have chosen to make something beautiful of my life, it doesn't make what I lived any less scary. On top of all this, we often feel we have to comfort those who ask us what happened when their smiles turn to sheer horror- queue awkward moment.
The truth is, there is nothing polite about throwing in a casual "What happened to your leg? Unless you are
A- a doctor treating me.
B- Interviewing me about the topic of limb loss or disability, and I have agreed to open up on this topic.
C- also missing a limb, and we've already exchanged names and other small talk.
D- a child
Whenever I put on a fake smile and answer the question, I hate myself because I know I shouldn't have. I should have respectfully declined and changed the subject. But I like to be nice. I hold the door. I compliment strangers. I tip well. I am kind to people I don't know. That doesn't mean I should allow them to be unkind to me. Why should I go home frustrated because of your word vomit?
I have friends whose limb loss stories involve the death of a parent or spouse. And quite frankly, if I was out with them and you asked them what happened to their leg, I might need to be restrained.
We are not ashamed. We are not weak. We are humans who deserve your common decency. If we make jokes, it's because we have every right to bring humor into our every day after such trauma and sadness. And it is once again a reminder that only we are in control of the choice to share and make light of it all.
We want to tell you on our terms. We deserve to choose how and when to tell whomever we feel comfortable enough to share this part of our lives with; it isn't something we owe you. So once again, and as many times as it takes until people stop asking, PLEASE DON'T.
