What scares me, and how I cope
Like most people, global warming, a world war, and alien abduction rank pretty high among my fears. In addition to the most basic of fears, there is the ever-looming possibility of my cancer coming back for a third time. It sounds weird to call something as dreadful as cancer mine, but being that it was so rare, there was only one known way to treat it, and I was the one whose leg it decided to strangle; I'd say I deserve to refer to it however I want. It was my nightmare. On a bad day, this fear will combine villain superpowers with my fear of disability holding me back or deteriorating my quality of life as I age. But I do have today. I have it right now, and I never take that for granted. That's how I push aside my fears. I remember I'm still breathing, I'm still moving, I'm still thriving, and if I only get so much time on earth, I might as well spend it happy. It also helps that I have an excellent Oncologist who will make time to see me every time I get a "strange pain" on what's left of my right leg. I cannot stress the importance of having a medical team that listens and is willing to order a CT scan earlier than scheduled just to give you peace of mind. Nothing tastes better than that ice cream cone, fancy coffee, or treat you get yourself right after a clean scan visit. It's like all your taste buds are also glad to be alive.
There are certain statistical realities I cannot deny about my health and my body's capabilities. But that doesn't mean I need to let that define my outlook on life and everything I can savor from it. It would be too easy to let my fear consume me and beat down my spirit. I can and will be human and experience moments of weakness and sensitivity from time to time while still being a powerful, happy, fulfilled person who understands just how blessed she is to be here. And I move through those darker moments with grace because of it. I don't live with blind ignorance; instead, I'm on a mission to soak up every last drop the best parts of life have to offer. Every morning is a new opportunity to tell your fears to F-OFF.