What If?

How many times have you wondered what if? After the opportunity passed, I bet you wondered, "what if I tried" far more than you think, "what if I failed." After all, life is just a giant web of decisions and winding roads that take us this way or that way.

What about that time in 2012 when I took a yoga class and could barely balance on my right leg. After all the backflips I had done with ease in my youth, this was surely a sign that something wasn't right. What if I went to the doctor way back then and said, "I know this sounds silly, but I'm suddenly struggling with my downward dog." Could I have saved myself a huge load of emotional and medical baggage? There are so many questions floating around in the aftermath of every decision we make; sometimes, it's hard to know which way is up and where to go next.

We've all had that nightmare in a labyrinth. It's dark. You're alone with nothing but your instincts and afraid a monster might be waiting at every turn. Which way should you go? And if it turns out you're walking in circles, will you be able to get back to where you started? Because that's not always an option when you're awake.

Thankfully, when you're awake, there are at least as many good surprises waiting around the corner as there are scary things. It's called balance: a new friend, an old friend, a great oncologist. You never know if everything you need is only one decision away.

I try not to give into regret. There isn't much that comes from it. Instead, I believe in forgiveness and choosing from the heart. I could have done this or that, but the moment has passed, and I can't grow if I stay who I was back then, lost and wondering. So now I try if it's something I want, and sometimes I fail, but it's not as sad as never trying. In fact, it's kind of thrilling to know that I'm the kind of person who tries crazy things and doesn't always choose the "safe" option. Life is short. It's messy and complicated, confusing and unexpected. That must be what makes it so much fun.