The anger stage of healing

Have you said it out loud yet? - It's not fair - what happened to me isn't fair - I did not deserve this - It's the truth, and you don't need to pretend it isn't a valid thought. You've probably been thinking about it since day one, but in an effort to avoid any self-pity, you kept it to yourself, and I bet that hasn't helped. Have you made a mental list of every time you cheated on a test, called in sick to work when you were actually just hungover or forgot to wipe down the gym equipment you used at Planet Fitness, just so you could understand why the universe is working against you? The thing is, you didn't earn your trauma and all you can do is deal with the hand you've been dealt so you can move forward and start to heal. At some point, this means getting angry.

Healing is like remodeling an old house. If you don't smash the walls down, you can't build something better. You can try to cover it all with patterned wallpaper and pretty frames, but it's still there and will come back to haunt you if you don't face it. I encourage you to smash down those walls, lock yourself in a car, and scream as loud as you can. Cry, You deserve to be mad.
Anger can be scary, but it can also be intensely cathartic when you allow yourself to use it as a form of release. You won't ever forget what made you feel this way, but you can let go of the unprocessed weight of it all.

I'm not ashamed to say, I have thrown shoes and prosthetic parts at a wall before. I have cried tears made of pure frustration on bad days. If I had a swear jar in my house, it would be the size of a water cooler. Just because I'm usually smiling and genuinely happy doesn't mean I don't have human moments of hurt and if it weren't for the moments that I allow myself to feel, I could be far more trapped by this disability than I am. Controlled moments of anger give me power over my emotions and remind me that yes, cancer sucks, but my life doesn't. As long as you don't let anger consume you and keep others out of the line of fire, it can help you flourish. Channeling for your benefit is the best revenge.