Merry Messy Christmas

If you're reading this the day it was released, Merry Christmas Eve. I hope you are full of holiday sparkle and coquito. But if you're not, because you're having one of those Decembers where you feel like the last, lonely gingerbread house on the shelf, cracked all over and hanging on by a stitch of icing, you aren't alone. There is so much pressure to have a perfect Christmas, but the truth is most Christmases aren't perfect at all, and some, well, some suck.

Not everyone gets to have a hallmark movie Christmas because life isn't like the movies. Some years, it's pretty and festive; others are dark and sad. I've had a few of each. A couple of years back, I lost my right leg just days before Christmas, and almost a year to the day from that, I lost my dad. So, I get what it's like to fake a smile while you pretend to enjoy your favorite dessert in a shade of lipstick you only wore to cover up how you really feel. That doesn't mean I've never had the kind of Holiday that inspires those cheesy movies.

One December was spent in French Christmas markets sipping Chocolat Chaud. And I've had too many perfect childhood Christmas mornings to count. The ones where gifts turn up I still feel luckier than most. And even though I've had my fair share of rough ones, I still love Christmas. It might be a month-long emotional rollercoaster, but it sparks joy for me. I still light up when I see the Holiday menu at my local coffee shop and sprinkle a little too much cinnamon on anything I can get away with in honor of the season. I still deck the halls of my home with twinkle lights and ornaments. And I find a little extra magic in getting together with friends and family while there is a chill in the air and thoughtfully color-coordinated wrapped gifts under the tree.

For me, it's all about seeing the goodness still there despite the bad. It's so easy to let our bad memories cloud something so beautiful. The holidays aren't made up of the one bad thing that has happened to us. They are a collection of all the special moments we've had and will have over the years. It's that hope of snow on Christmas morning kind of feeling I never want to lose. And that slim chance that Santa will forgive my American Express bill this month.