Look differently
I have recently had several people reach out to me asking how I feel about going out in public with my prosthetic leg showing. So let's do this, let's talk about what it's like walking into this wild world with what can feel like a huge sign across my forehead that reads " I lost a leg and now I use this robot looking thing to walk!"
At only 5 month's post-surgery, in the middle of a pandemic which occurred just after my amputation, I have not left the house as much as I would like. But after countless Doctor's appointments, several visits to my prosthetist, and a hand full of lunch and target trips I have some thoughts on the subject. It is without a doubt, the most basic act of human nature to notice when something or someone is different. Even without judgment there is still staring. From my first trip out of the house to my most recent, this has always been the case. On a trip to Seaworld, shortly after my surgery a little girl asked her Mom what happened to my leg. She seemed concerned about me and that is a common expression I see come across stranger's faces when they see me. This could make anyone want to crawl into a hole and never go out again... But that is surprisingly not what happened. The pep talk I gave myself that first day had proven useful. I told myself that I would do my best to live my life and not let other's stares stop me or make me feel less whole. I would not be angry at people for looking at my leg. Somehow, the same me who cries during commercials and most episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, and changes outfits 10 times before leaving the house wasn't too worried about people staring or whispering. I hardly recognized myself.
What this tells me is that you cannot change how people will react but you can work on how you will. If you are feeling uncomfortable right now because you just want to blend in, I want you to know that I get it. I have felt what you are feeling. But once you come to terms with the fact only you are in control of how you will let it affect your life, you will regain your power. Something horrible took your limb. Should you be made to feel weird for the rest of your life? Choose not to. Choose instead to embrace all things that make you special, make you unique, make you magic. Be gentle with yourself, it's the only self you have.
