I’m Not In Control. Now What?

Feeling a lack of control is like snapping the ball with your eyes closed during the playoffs. Like you're betting it all, your body, your mind, your future, on a Hail Mary.

Sometimes, there really is nothing you can do to change your fate. Life will come at you however it decides without consulting you first. No matter how much you plan and organize your spice drawer alphabetically, something can always shake it all up. Will it be a happy surprise or a scary one? Should I make an emergency appointment with my therapist or pick up a celebratory bottle of champagne? We all want to feel prepared, so how do we cope when that's not on our bingo card?

You may not be able to change the outcome of the game, but you can always choose the mindset you face it with. You can, in fact, say, I will handle what comes my way from a place of whatever level of confidence and empowerment it requires. And some days, you might need to repeat that to yourself over and over and over again until it sinks in. Nevertheless, trust me, it is within your control to feel this way. I have this theory that the most successful people look at life this way. It's not just their talent that gets them where they are, but their ability to not allow failure and adversity to keep them down, to instead use it as fuel. That's their real gift.

Learning to give up control over things one can't change has probably led to more panic attacks throughout history than tax audits, but it's also led to amputees winning gold medals in the Olympics. Sometimes, the path we were on is no longer an option. It's not just a bump in the road but more like a giant sinkhole with flaming lava edges. We can't go that way, and we have no choice but to throw our hands up, regroup, and find another way to reach fulfillment, happiness, and what feels to us like success, even if that means forging a new path.

As kids, we would all close our eyes and spin until we didn't know which way was up anymore. We always landed on the soft ground, got up, and did it again. Being a grown-up can feel like a less fun version we didn't consent to. But we can choose to open our eyes when we land, take a look around, and build something we can be proud of. Better than any plastic princess castle because it came from our sheer determination to get through whatever unexpectedly epic battle showed up to throw us off our game.