Hey ANXIETY, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME BACK HERE.
My heart starts to pick up pace as my chest tightens up. Then the tension rolls down my neck towards my shoulders, locking them in an upright, stiff position. I can already visualize my chiropractor smirking and correcting my posture as he reminds me to sit up straight and bring my shoulders back.
Hey anxiety, I thought I told you never to come back here. This relationship just isn't working for me, and it would be best if we make a clean break. You give me back pain, chest pain, gray hairs, indigestion, and worst of all, you hold me back in life. I should have signed up for that Summer abroad program. Why are you a constant thorn? I read the books, I take the pills, and yet you insist on paying me a visit at the most inopportune times. It's invasive the way you have wrapped yourself around my personality like you are trying to smother it. I miss the way I used to feel butterflies instead of bee-stings. You grow your strongest as I wait. Wait for answers, wait for a diagnosis. Waiting to see if my health lingers.
If you insist on sticking around, just know, there is a line I will continue to push between us. Every time I feel your symptoms coming on, I WILL fight back. You may hold uncomfortable space in my mind but you will never have all of me. I have weapons you haven't seen yet and I have become more resilient over the years. Remember all those times you told me I wouldn't be here today? Remember how you said if I made it, I would never thrive? I'm so glad you were wrong and I can sit here smiling amongst the flowers. Now I help others that you follow. I tell them that they can fight back and you don't have to win. We all feel you to some extent, you're that funny feeling that makes us second guess our choices as our palms sweat. I won't pretend you haven't become more than that in my life and that I haven't begged you to go away. I have always felt things intensely, so it's no surprise you took advantage when you did. Still, I am bigger than you by a mile. My mind is sharp, my tribe is large and I have a pretty special angel watching over me who will always cheer me on.
Even at my weakest, I am the ocean and you are a puddle full of jellyfish. You are no match for me.