Crying over battery life

Last night was a challenge in patience, and I didn't exactly do so well. I couldn't get the battery charger for my prosthetic leg to work. I tried for over an hour, and it just wouldn't click into place. Without a charged battery, it's nothing more than a hunk of dead weight for me to drag around. Frustration turned to anger, and anger turned to tears. I tapped my residual limb aggressively, something I catch myself doing when I'm anxious or restless, both of which I was feeling. I wanted to throw it against the wall, but I know that will cost me even more than the repair it already needs. Here we go again, another trip to my prosthetists and a loaner if I'm lucky; if not, I will be on crutches for a few weeks while my prosthesis gets shipped to the manufacturer for repair. Having a prosthesis taken away after learning to walk and dealing with dozens of test sockets and fittings is like giving a five-year-old the coolest toy ever made and then telling them they can't touch it for six weeks.

I've been through so much, and this is what's going to bring me to tears?! I said to myself. I could feel my ears burning feverishly. At this point, I knew what I needed to do. Mama didn't raise no fool without any effective coping mechanisms. I took seven deep breaths and slowly brought my heart rate back to normal. Then I said aloud, "Is there any part of this you can control? If you can't fix the leg, then all that remains is your attitude. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not happy about it all, but i'm not going to let myself continue to freak out before I actually know what's what. Maybe my prosthetist can fix it. Maybe they will have a loaner I can use. Maybe it won't be as bad as I imagined. Or maybe, I will just choose to not let it break me down. This probably won't be the last time I will be in this situation. Hardware breaks all the time. This is #amputeelife.

Today there was enough battery remaining for me to move around and get everything done I wanted to, for that, I'm feeling pretty grateful, despite last night's breakdown. I did some yoga to clear my head, power walked around my house, and cleaned the kitchen. Monday, I will know more, but for now, I'm going to focus on the fact that I'm healthy, CANCER FREE, and just an all-around badass. Not much to cry about here.